Koaster Moaster

Most of you knew that Koa had a little "incident" recently so I just wanted to post a little picture, mostly for Daddy, to let everyone know that he's doing great! This was the next morning and he was ready to get the freak outta that place. Thank you so much to all our friends and family who offered so much support during such a scary time. We feel truly blessed to have such awesome people in our lives.

Pumpkins Tacos and Rice Bowls

Yeah, you read me right. I said pumpkins, tacos, and rice bowls. Now before I proceed any further I need to issue another one of my disclaimers. I can "yo quiero taco bell" with the best of them so let's not get it twisted ya'll....but does anyone else find a pumpkin patch a strange place to find the exotic fusion of taco's, rice bowls, and funnel cakes?!?! So weird! I'm still sitting here, 6 hours later trying to wrap my little tiny peanut brain around it. I suppose I should back up a tinge. I escorted my 4 little darlings to Siemer's Farms (and yes my immature brain may have giggled slightly at the name of this place but only for a second.....a wee baby second) to meet up with Gramma, Papa, Auntie and Uncle and of course...... SMILERS! We love pumpkin patching every year and were excited this year to go with our family and ALSO to try a different patch this year because we had been going to the same one for the last couple of years. So off we went to Greenbluff, land oh the pumpkin patch, to find the perfect pumpkin. First of all, the traffic up to this place was insane! Who knew so many people wanted to experience all the joys that pumpkins can bring on the same day as us! But despite the crowds we fought our way through the peeps and found our family and then proceeded to the P. Patch where I learned that they wanted 30 cents per lb of pumkiness......say what MOFO! 30 cents per lb! That was going to be a huge hellz no. So I did what any self respecting ghetto ass poor Mama would do. I took lot's of pictures of the family at the patch and then took our happy ass's to Walmart for the $3 pumpkins BABY! After the photo session we headed off in search of some carmeled apples to end our outing but what do you think I found instead!?!?!? That's right, tacos.....and rice bowls. I'm still so confused and very tired from last nights "Making the Squad Dallas Cowboy's Cheerleaders" marathon extravaganza last night with Nene, that I'm a tad delirious so I'm not even going to try and sort out this madness in my brain. But I will however give you our 2009 P Patch photos! I do have to say that we live in the best part of the country!

There's only one way to say this.....Uncle Ryan LOVES getting his picture taken.....and after a couple hundred pictures of JUST HIM peaking out of cornstalks, making funny faces to the pumpkins, and cartwheeling through the patch I finally told him that I needed to get pictures of other people.....he finally, and very begrudgingly, let me take some pictures of Smiley.

This is Koa's "zombie" face.....he likes to walk around the house telling me he's a zombie and he's going to eat my brains. Disturbing I know.....

And there you have it. We missed you SMW and can't wait for next year when I can drag you up there and we can pick out a pumpkin, eat a taco, and wash it down with a rice bowl! YEEHAW!!!....Over and out....

Once upon a time.....

Once upon a time there was a girl. And every time the girl would put on her knockoff Ugg sheepskin boots from Costco, a baby unicorn was born. Who knew that 34.99 could bring so much joy and happiness into the world. Who cares if they are ugly, non-water resistant, and soooooooo 2005, I. Don't. Care. I love them anyway to the deepest parts of my soul....or sole if you really wanna go there but I'm going to pretend I didn't. I first encountered these cushions of delight when I got sucked into the UGG world 5 years ago and paid well over a hundred dollars for a pink pair. Yes, I said pink. Shocking I know. But color wasn't important. What was important was the yummy deliciousness my feet felt once inside. Those dear sheep that gave of themselves for my happiness. Their sacrifice will not go unnoticed. And let me tell you....I have bought a pair every year since. I Eventually switching to the Costco brand because let's be honest, it's the same damn boot, but also SMW would have sh!t fit if he knew I paid that much for what he thinks are the ugliest boots to ever exist year after year. He's even nicknamed them my UGGLY boots. I say he just has a UGGLY attitude. LOLOLOL....oh my goodness. Must get some sleep. Anyway, the morale of this story is........sheep are awesome.....and boots are awesome........and when you put them together you get......awesome........and baby unicorns.

THE END

Cheerleaders are people too....

I have to keep telling myself that.....especially since my two traitor daughters have decided that they are die hard cheer girls. Not that I have anything against cheerleaders...but seriously.....where did I go wrong......I was pretty sure I had Kai convinced to do soccer but she was starstruck with the basket tossing, cheer bows, and crazy cheerleader smiles that I knew she was gone forever. So I suppressed my bitter rage and traipsed my happy ass to the Valleyfest parade with two boys in tow to cheer on our cheerleaders. Oh....where is my life going.....

The Tooth Fairy is B*!@ch!

Look at the face.....how could you forget to leave this precious face the money that she so rightfully deserved! You are a horrible mother....err.....fairy and should be caned in a Singapore jail. Good thing I rescued you and threw a dollar under Kai's bed and told her she must have knocked it down while she was sleeping......I'm getting sick of bailing your ass out......until next time TF....I've got my eye on you....

Nerdschool alert!

May I present......Kai and Isaiah's first day of school portraits.......yes I know....my children ARE highly gifted and have been enrolled into the Whitehill University gifted program for being the two smartest kids in the school. However.....I'm not quite sure why Isaiah's shirt was painted purple even though it was grey and said "Army Fort Bliss" but we've learned that we don't ask.


The first week of school we did a unit study on the book "How to Make an Apple Pie and See the World". The kids had so much homeschool nerdy fun that they couldn't stand it!

Here's all our ingredients for the pie we made.....including real cinnamon sticks from a Mexican Market where the guy at the front counter told me a joke in Spanish and thought I totally knew what he was saying.....to which I just smiled and laughed.....oh yes....I am one with my Hispanics.....

Um.....we ate the pie before we could take a picture of it but I did manage to take this shot right before Koa dived in......the kids did a great job!


And what says nerdy homeschool fall fun without a trip to the apple orchards!!!! Woooooweeeeee!!!!!!!!!!

Anything Koa can stab with a stick is A-ok with him!







And who doesn't like to be buried in peas.....


We were going to buy caramel apples at the orchards but.....they didn't have any made. WTF kind of apple orchard doesn't have carmel apples readily available at all times for fine patrons such as myself! RIDICULOUS I SAY! So we went to the store and bought our own carmel apple stuff.....TAKE THAT APPLE ORCHARD FARMERS!


+


=




Oh the sugar rush.......might have gone into Anaphylactic shock after all that sugary goodness....but it was well worth it......oh yes it was.

FALL FESTIMONY!!!!

Yes, it's that time once again....what time your ask.....oh.....just THE BEST TIME OF THE YEAR!!!!! FALL BITCHES!!!!! Oh yeah......I love me some cold ass rainy weather! Chalk it up to growing up in Seattle, but there's nothing better then waking up to a cloudy stormy day in the fall. I even decorated our homeschool room with paper leaves hanging from the ceiling which I refuse to take pictures of because it will confirm my ticket to Nerdsville USA and I just can't accept my status yet. I will however share our pictures of the first day of school. Isaiah couldn't process the concept of first day of school pictures when all he had to do was walk downstairs but he did manage to muster a pretty decent nine year old "This is the stupidest thing ever" weakass smile which I thought was pretty cute regardless. you gotta love early morning harsh ass light pictures.
Then there was the Diva who poses any time a camera is even remotely in the vicinity....the best is when she gets done watching a Toddlers and Tiara episode and I catch her practicing her "sassy" walk.......LOLOLOL oh man....need to find my camcorder for evidence. WORK IT OUT GIRL!!!


Then you have my sweet lil Mama Girl......don't you feel sorry that such a cute innocent child has me for a mother.....MwAHAHAH!!!


And last but not least......the devil himself.....KJW.....I have no idea what this smile was all about but it's....well.....interesting....gotta love this kid.


Well there you have it.....Back to School pics.......Cheerio....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SMW!!!

Oh man.......this blog has been neglected! I have SEVERAL posts to update so what better way to start off the bloggerfestimony then to wish my man a HAPPY BIRTHDAY! We started the birthday festivities last week by sending SMW a package including his first love.....a couple of 1 liter bottles of Mt. Dew, some nasty ass Hostess cupcakes, and some picture frames the kids decorated along with a photo album with pics of the fam. We also had one of those Hallmark cards that you can record a message in.....and the song Whoop There It is played after the kids message. Kai picked it out and thought it was the funniest card of life! I couldn't figure out why the kids kept laughing so hard until I heard them repeat what they THOUGHT the song said......WHOOMP FAT ASS.....WHOOMP FAT ASS. Seriously...I don't know where these kids get their f'in potty mouths from! LOL It's my one..........okay...........my one of several thousand character flaws that I'm working on so back off! Okay.....FOCUS.....back to birthday times. So in honor of my honey's birthday I decided to list the 20 things I love the most about my hubby!
On your mark....get set.....GO!

(um....these are in no particular order)

1. He let's me eat off his fork. This probably doesn't seem like a big deal but SMW has a thing about people eating off his cutlery....even the kids haven't been bestowed this fine honor. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy just thinking about it.

2. SMW still opens the door for me when we go out! It's the little things that make a girl happy honey....just remember that.

3. I love staring into his dreamy green eyes. Seriously....they are pretty dreamy.....

4. His ability to predict the ending to a movie....ANY MOVIE! It's almost creepy......and now that I'm thinking about it....slightly annoying......WHY DID I LIST THIS ONE!

5. He will probably want me to delete this one but it ain't happnin! He has the cutest little freckles all over his shoulders........I lOVE THEM! Oh.....I miss them....:(

6. I'm still in mourning over this next one. I feel like I lost a dear, dear friend.....but when we met SMW had the best goatee of all times! I'm telling you....it was the goatee of champions! But when he just HAD TO GET BACK INTO THE MILITARY......no more goatee......oh the sacrifices we make for this great nation.

7. Which brings me to my next point. SMW is one of the most patriotic people I have ever met. I love this about him. He truly believes in serving his country and takes it very seriously. And God bless the person who leaves their hat on during the National Anthem or decides to desecrate his beloved flag......oh yes, there will be blood.

8. So this might be a little narcissistic of me.....but I do love how he laughs at almost all of my jokes! I've made it a goal in life to make my DH laugh.......

9. Which brings me to my next point! KEEP EM COMING I SAY!!! SMW has one of the best laughs of all time!!! He has his everyday laugh and then he has this one laugh......his TRUE laugh......it's AWESOME! It's pretty few and far between hearing it....but when you do it is PRICELESS!!

10. I have two words. Ghetto Engineer. That would describe SMW and his handy work. If you don't believe me.....just come take a gander at my car stereo right now.....but at least it works! SMW can fix just about anything.....don't ask him what he had to do to get it to work but he's pretty amazing when it comes to fixing things.

11. Two other words......Ghetto Chef. Possibly Ghetto TOP Chef. He can make dinner out of almost anything in the kitchen. He did however make this one dinner that him and the kids thought was the best thing ever. Let me give you the ingredients. Hot Dogs, Top Ramen, Worschesthsgsgdfgjshire sauce and whatever other spices he felt would be happy in there. I'll let you be the judge.

12. He looks pretty fantastic in his ACU's. MMMmmmHMMMM....

13. This one is a little disturbing....I will admit....however....there is no shame in this girl's game.......I LOVE the smell of SMW's armpits! Awww....I could live there forever.....sometimes....and I do mean sometimes.....he let's me take a good long snifferoo......although it creeps him out and he probably won't admit he allows such idiotic behavior from his wife. NEXT!

14. Whitehill has a way of making you feel like everything is going to be okay. No matter what the situation. Remember on Crocodile Dundee when he does that weird ass thing to the dog with his hands.......yeah.....kinda like that.

15. I don't know how I'm going to describe this next thing. I will call it his conceited arrogant asshole wink. He only does it when he knows he's right about something and he gives you this winky wink with his eye and makes this sound with his mouth and I don't know why....but it's freakin hot when he does it! It makes me melt like budda.

16. Whitehill is the most loyal Mofo I know. He is. Whether it's to family, friends, as an employee....when he's committed to people he will do anything and everything for them. He is am amazing person to have in your life...and if you are lucky enough to have him then you are one lucky son of a biatch!

17. He has funky fresh rhythm for a white boy. And he thinks he's black. Which he's not. But we don't tell him.

18. When he says "YEEEEAAHH MAN". You won't get it so let's move along shall we?

19. Okay in laws....you might want to cover your eyes for this one......but SMW is the best smoocher I know....among other things but we are keeping this PG RATED KIDS! However, with all SMW's manly skills.......the thing that I love the most......is SMW's forehead kisses. They are the best in the west ya'll. Wish I had a forehead smooch right now. But I will sit patiently and wait 6 more months for one of those bad boy's.

20. And now here we are at #20. The finale. the finish. The last thing I love about SMW.........is.............SMW! I just love.....him! I feel so blessed to have him as my husband and partner in crime. I miss him with all my heart and can't wait to have him beside me once again forever. Love you honey.....hope you had a great birthday and I can't wait to see you again.

peace,

your wifey

LDS Family Fun Part Deux!

I have two words for you. Raingutter. Regatta. Wooooweeeeee!!!!!! Yes, if the Pinewood Derby wasn't enough Mormony good times then who couldn't help resist a little Regatta action. Both the Scouts and the girls from Achievements participated this year and it was....well interesting to say the very least. First of all.......I MAY have made a secret wish that Isaiah was going to forget about this "Raingutter Regatta" so that I could sit at home but of course.....he remembered. Which I would like to now ask this question....how is it that a kid who can't remember to turn off his bedroom light, flush the toilet, change his underwear OR remember where he took his shoes ofF (which just a little side note.....made Isaiah go to the grocery store in socks the other day because I'M TIRED OF THIS KID LOSING HIS DAMN SHOES!!!!) but yet he can remember something that hasn't been mentioned in this house for two weeks!!!! Anyway, lucky for him he has a nice uncle who painted the boat for him and so off we went to the race. Do you see what he named his boat?!?!? Yes your eyes are not deceiving you.....he named his boat.....Big Daddy! I didn't see that until he put it in the lineup which made me give myself another horrible mother point because all I could think of was all the terribly innapropriate things he could have put and I wouldn't have known until we got there. C'ne' was also pretty proud of her boat and she did a pretty awesome job of painting her's if I do say so myself. So it gets to be race time and one of the Brother's in the race asks Isaiah where his rutter is......um.....what? Rutter? WTF is that? Ohhhhhhhhhhh.........you mean that little piece of metal that I threw away because all I saw it as was a weapon in my house? Yeah....it was long gone. So after lot's of scrambling they fixed my boy up right good (man I gotta use that phrase more often...especially in Deer Park) and we were ready! This was a single elimination round and all the scouts are racing each other and every one is having a good time until Isaiah's name is called.....and so is.......a girl's. I wish I would have had my camera ready because his face was so awesome I can't even put it into words. Sheer terror is the closest thing that will desrcibe it. All I knew is that my child had this look in his eyes that if he lost this race to a girl in front of all his friends that it was going to be the end of his world as he knew it. So the race starts.....and.........he lost. I could slowly see all his 9 year old manliness slowly seeping all over cultural hall floor. Poor guy. And I know that I will rack up another bad mother point with this statement.....but I was kinda.....I said KINDA....rooting for the girl, but after she won I felt so bad for my little guy. He was devastated. He went and sat in the corner for the rest of the races and couldn't get outta there fast enough. C'ne did pretty good and ended up racing twice. All in all it was a good time for the kids....notice I said KIDS....well I guess just C'ne so I really meant kid.......and I can't wait for next year when I can send SMW to take them!!!!!

Happy Mama's Day

Guess what to my wondering eyes did appear........not 8 reindeer.........But FLOWERS FOOL! That's right.......even though SMW was on his way outta the country he was a sneaky little devil and must have had a magical leprechaun leave these for me Saturday night! Now, SMW, I love you but we both know that you have been slackadacious with your Mother's Day skillz in the past. This has definitely brought you back into my good graces. My mom took the other kiddo's and let me sleep in Sunday morning so I only had Mymy and we went and enjoyed a nice breakfast without Hoho biting, kicking, putting crayons in our water.....it was pretty close to heaven. Then because the kids are studying flight in school this week we went and saw the B-17 that was touring the area. Let me give you the three highlights that made this field trip worthwhile.

1. Mymy telling the girl standing next to her that it was a B-17 like the girl was an idiot for not knowing already.
2. Bubba arguing with the guy at the souvenir booth after finding out that this particular B-17 wasn't a REAL B-17 because it didn't see any war time.
3. And lastly........Bubba pretending like he was shooting the gun out the side of the plane as he was yelling.......DIE GERMANS DIE when we took the tour of the inside. On a side note....he was HORRIFIED to learn that SMW was stopping in Germany on his way to the "place"......that was a pretty awesome conversation that ended up in me saying......just ask Dad the next time he calls.

We delivered 5 flowers to all the important Mom's in our lives and topped off the night with dinner at my parents. It was a good Mother's Day besides the fact that SMW was in the process of flying 12000 miles away......my only regret was not catching the leprechaun Saturday night.........I have sooooo many questions......

Turning 9.....in 09!!!!

I thought that was a pretty clever play on numbers.....until I realized that it's always been like that....5 in 05.....2 in 02....you get the drift....so basically not only am I not a genuis....but I'm a pretty stupid Mom for not figuring that out earlier. Sweet. Needless to say he did have another birthday on Thursday and opened up a telescope, Survival Book for kids....you know in case your in the middle of Africa and you need to eat a dead zebra carcass, Eyewitness book on World War II (I'm hoping it curbs his desire to discuss Hitler in the middle of the grocery store) and 750 stars to put on his ceiling......which was the dumbest present I could have got him because it took almost 3 hours to put all those little F@*kers up! All in all it was a good day and we topped it off, with a little help from buddy Duncan Hines, with a Rocket cake. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BUBBA!


That's right.....what cake is complete without Koa's fingerprints stuck inside.

This is the only picture he let me take of him opening up presents......in time.....he will regret it!